Following hard after Jesus

Following hard after Jesus in the hard times is, more often than not, just being willing to walk. To just keep putting one foot in front of the other, over and over again, without relief. 

The battle isn’t even, for the most part, our circumstance but the emotional battle that rages within. Even now as I write this, I am sad beneath the surface, and I have been most of the day. It is not that I don’t know the truth, am not applying it, or even that I don’t want what I have in life currently. 

It is that the dreams I hold dear are unknown to me. Their outcomes, the winding road on which they will (or won’t) unfold, the control I want, but do not have, and the space in the middle where I currently reside, waiting. 

Being willing to walk without relief, what a precious gift.

Being willing to walk without relief, what a precious gift. All day long I have recited the truth and confessed lies I was believing. I confessed sin and offered up an out-of-tune praise song, all without relief…without feeling better and without answers. 

“I’m pleased, my child. I see you.”

I could be upset, but as I write this, I feel a sense of encouragement reaching down and giving me a hug. Like the Lord is telling me in a subtle way, “I’m pleased, my child. I see you, your efforts and your sorrow. It is not for nothing. I am making something new, something good, and all this pain is part of the glory you will be able to give back to Me soon. 

You will know My name in a fresh way, speak life to a deeper level of death, and sing My praise in a new song.” This is life:  hard, doing what we know to do even when it seems to be doing nothing. Learning more and more about God and his faithfulness. Maybe tomorrow I will feel relief, but for tonight I can feel peace as I go to bed. Because even though this day was hard and I felt bad, I was victorious. Because of Jesus.

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