Barren but Blessed

I truly believe my sickness and past trauma was orchestrated and allowed by God. 


It has consisted of the majority of my life (over 20 years) living with an incorrect diagnosis, belief about myself, treatments I didn’t need, and becoming infertile, along with many other tragedies.


But, I believe, I was supposed to be sick for as long as I was. I also believe God had a reason and purpose in orchestrating my life as He did. I’m basically saying that I needed to suffer through all the years of sickness instead of being delivered from it. 


And if I believe that, which I do, then, I also believe God was the one that closed my womb. 


He allowed the events that led me to do it (I had a tubal ligation which turned out to be unnecessary). Therefore, it’s Him who closed it. 


I believe we are the point of surgery once again (I am having a tubal reversal surgery) because he fully intends to heal my “broken” womb. Just as he ( in the process of time 1 Samuel 1:19-20) healed Hannah’s womb. 


When you read this it’s valuable to know that my own journey to the place of “redemption” (in this particular season) has been an almost four and a half year battle. It has included medical interventions, fertility treatments, the death of my infant son, and two miscarriages.


The Lord looked on Hannah’s affliction, and HE remembered Hannah. The same God that allowed her alienation, barrenness, and great pain was the ONE who after driving her to faithfulness opened it.


I believe God always offers redemption but we are the ones who turn it down. We do this because God’s path to redemption is often not the way we want to go. It is often longer and harder than we want it to be, causing us to give up more than we ever wanted. God’s redemptive plan in our lives doesn’t always look like we thought it should, or its end result causing us to be comfortable.


Hannah’s barrenness was a gift in disguise. By the time God had finished with Hannah, she had been highly exalted by God Almighty. She had become a mother of faith. Hannah was the reason, by her faithfulness that we had the great prophet, Samuel. Hannah knew God because of her years of affliction. She had faith and trust rarely seen in women of that time period. God had a special, beautiful, and miraculous, plan, through great pain for her that included more than she could have ever hoped for or imagined. 


Hannah began as a broken and alienated woman but ended up the highly exalted faith-filled mother of a great man of God and the mother of three more sons and two daughters. But most importantly, she was a small unknown woman who got to know the God of all in a most intimate way. 


Are you in a place of great need today? Do you feel frustrated that something you feel God has promised you is only continuing to be unanswered? Are you on the verge of giving up? Or are you bargaining and attempting to manipulate God?


OK. Here’s the thing, you need to stop. Slow down and take a deep breath. You need to come clean to the Lord if you are acting in any sin as you struggle with the waiting you’re being called too. 


We are waiting, you are waiting, because God has so much more than just the “yes” we want. God keeps his word friend. You must take seriously keeping your heart right before God. 


Your promise is safe with God. He always finishes what He begins. The promise He gave you is safe with Him and most dangerous with you. Take your hands off the promise and trust Him with your heart. God is the keeper of promises we are to be obedient no matter the cost or length of time between its fulfillment. You can hold on to hope, it is yours. Use the time you have waiting as a sacred bonding time with the Lord. Let your want and your waiting make you better and bring you closer to God.


Do not stop praying. Sometimes we miss out on big miracles for the silly reason of feeling that we shouldn’t have to wait. From there, anger sets in, followed by doubt, which is piling sin upon sin and creating division with our Savour. And in this process, we forfeit our promise.


Miracles come about from a desperate seeking of Jesus.  But they are fulfilled by obedience which is the outpouring of a submissive heart. We go, and keep going to Him. When we stay connected to Him, He will show up for us. Our part is important. It is the pursuit of Christ every day, seeking him regularly and depending on Him fully.


Your promise, your help, your need, is safe with Him. Seek after Him with all your heart and you will find Him.

If He said it, He will do it. Stop letting doubt reign and get praying


I feel so sure God gave this to me today. I believe by his great and unfathomable grace I will carry and hold another babe. 


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